Goodman, Maddox St, London

“Heifer whines could be human cries, closer comes the screaming knife, this beautiful creature must die, this beautiful creature must die”, sang Morrissey in the mid-80s. Unfortunately Mozza wasn’t demanding the beautiful creature be slaughtered to make quality dry-aged steaks, he was making a passionate plea to the trenchcoat-wearing hoards of 1985 to reject the carnivorous ways that are the norm in this country, as it’s murder, no, no, no it’s murder. 

Thankfully few people listened to the be-quiffed one and in London these days you can enjoy some of the finest quality steak in the world from numerous purveyors of high-end beef. The ‘big two’ are the amazing Hawksmoor and today’s review, Goodman. They are both talked about in the same breath, they are both similarly priced and they both have legions of fans convinced one is better than the other. I thought it was only fair to you, dear reader, that I find out for myself if Goodman could out-steak Hawksmoor (no mean feat considering I gave Hawksmoor a perfect 10/10). It’s a tough task but professionalism comes first on this blog. 

First impressions - the room was buzzing (it was Friday night after all) and it’s a rather pleasant space. It’s more of a traditional room than Hawksmoor’s vintage industrial vibe, and the feel is ‘upmarket’ rather than ‘trendy’. We had a kind of booth. Everyone likes a booth. 

Unfortunately for us on our visit we had to endure the frequent London phenomenon of a large group of loud, lairy pissed-up City bankers. SWEARING and GOING ON ABOUT MASSIVE DEALS, YAH? Thankfully they buggered off before the mains came. Most upmarket restaurant suffer from the expense account brigade’s ill behaviour from time to time but the problem is particularly bad in posh steakhouses, purely because steak is BIG and MACHO and is for REAL MEN with LOTS OF MONEY. 

Anyway, onto the food. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? Not to listen to my grumpy ranting. Keen to find out about Goodman’s Russian angle (they are Russian-owned), I chose the sweet pickled herring to start. Served, ‘Russian style’ in a Kilner jar with mustard and some sort of delicious rye bread. It was fantastic. Juicy, thick slices of herring with a touch of mustard, a gherkin and a wee bit of bread make for a very tasty (and oddly refreshing) mouthful of food. The combined sweet/vinegar flavours are a great palette cleanser ahead of all that meat. 

The main event is obviously STEAK, and lots of it. There were 4 of us so we got 2 900g Porterhouses, cooked medium-rare. I think the photos speak for themselves here - this was a VERY good steak indeed. It was cooked perfectly medium-rare and the char was spot-on. My favourite bit was the fat which had developed an amazing rich smokey flavour.

Just look at the colour of it! Better than Hawksmoor? Well, it’s a bit different. I’d say they are as good as each other, in their own special way. Unfortunately Mrs MBFBY? said that the other steak had been cooked to medium rather than med-rare so wasn’t quite as juicy as my one, though she still enjoyed it immensely. 

Obviously it’s not a trip to the steakhouse unless you cover your table in sides so we went for truffle chips (brilliant - cooked in truffle oil), normal chips (brilliant - not cooked in truffle oil) green beans (brilliant - but what else can you say about competently cooked green beans?)  and carrots (lovely honey and ginger glaze). No marks lost for the sides. 

The staff were friendly, helpfully knowledgeable and efficient. Our waitress took a lot of time to make sure we were all happy and everything was fully explained to us. 

So, food-and-service-wise, it’s very hard to say Goodman beats Hawksmoor. They are both serving steak to an absurdly high standard. I do have to dock them a point for overcooking Mrs MBFBY?’s porterhouse a tad, though. 

They also lose a point for the annoyance of having a TV film crew walking around getting in the way, at one point the cameraman set up a light which was shining into my mum’s face and I had to go an tell them to turn it off. Though to be fair I emailed them afterwards about this and received a prompt apology so top marks for customer service. 

When it comes down to it though, I have to say I personally prefer Hawksmoor. I love Hawksmoor’s aesthetic, I love their cocktails and I love their hipster staff. This has nothing to do with the food, Goodman is a fine establishment, but one with a more traditional feel. If you want to savour the flavour of murder properly then I urge you to try both. Don’t listen to Morrissey. The flesh they so fancifully fry IS succulent, tasty AND kind. Well, kind on the taste-buds at least. It’s not kind to the cow, or to your wallet.

8/10

Goodman
24-26 Maddox St
London
W1S 1QH

020 7499 3776

http://www.goodmanrestaurants.com/

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The Hawksmoor, Seven Dials, WC2

Vegetarians look away now. There’s nothing for you here. The Hawksmoor is a temple of beef and no mistake. Since the first one opened in 2006 (Spitalfields), they’ve become known as the top steakhouse in the capital. I dined there a couple of years ago and the steak was excellent, but the experience slightly sullied by sloppy service and clientele comprised almost exclusively of male City types working their way through expense accounts whilst shouting rude words at each other. However, the Seven Dials outpost has received such unanimously amazing reviews it’s been on my to-do list pretty much since it opened last year. In need of somewhere special to take Mrs MBFBY? for her birthday this year we elected to give it a go. 

DISCLAIMER -Yes, I know they’ve just opened a brand new Hawksmoor at Guildhall but this is MBFBY?, yah? If you’re looking for zeitgeist then bugger off over there somewhere with those vegetarians.  

We arrive, our bags/coats are taken swiftly and we are directed downstairs. It’s a beautiful space - initially feeling very gentlemanly. Reclaimed parquet flooring, brass fittings, wood panelling. There’s a modern twist though, a few industrial ducts and lights, exposed brickwork. Also, most of the staff have dreadlocks and tattoos. Sweet. We arrived early as we wanted to try some cocktails (Hawksmoor’s bar has achieved almost as much renown as it’s meat room). The list is impressive, we sit there for a good ten minutes reading it, there’s a great blurb about each drink explaining the background, the history and even the name of the Hawkmoor mixologist responsible for creating their version.

I go for a Rub A Dub Shrub first which is refreshing combination of wine, cognac, citrus, spice, gin and lemon juice. It’s got a sweet, slightly medicinal taste and is just what you want to prepare your stomach for the onslaught of meat. It is, however, orange and rather girly looking. 

Keen to prove my man credentials I ask the barman to recommend me something to put hairs on my chest. He suggests, amongst other things, the brilliantly named Navy Strength Gimlet. I say yes please. He gives me an approving smile and says “NICE”. The Gimlet is basically 57% Navy-strength gin and a home made lime cordial. That’s it. It’s bloody fantastic and not as harsh as you’d think. I could drink it all night. Well, maybe 2, then onto shandy.

Before we know it, it’s time to take our table in the fabulous vaulted brick dining room (the site used to be a brewery, apparently). The place is buzzing with a healthy mix of people. In fact, I didn’t notice any all-male tables of lairy suits going on about TARGETS and FIGURES and THAT F*CKING PETE FROM ACQUISITIONS at ear-splitting volume (no offence, Pete from Acquisitions).

To start, I pushed the boat out (HA HA HAAA!) and went for a lobster cocktail. It was basically a really good prawn cocktail but with massive chunks of lobster meat instead of prawns. At MBFBY? towers we’re quite the connoisseurs of seafood-based cocktails, and this one certainly passed muster. Crisp lettuce, a light sauce and loads lovely white meat. 

As you may have gathered by now, it’s all about the beef here. It’s a matter of choosing what cut of steak you want. There’s ribeyes, sirloins, d-rump etc but the exciting stuff is the porterhouse, prime rib and chateaubriand which is sold by the 100g (the minimum they had on our visit was 800g). They have a blackboard with the steaks in stock that day which get crossed off as they get sold - we go for a 900g porterhouse, béarnaise sauce, chips and 2 fried eggs on the side. No time for greens here. 

It was magnificent. A huge t-bone with the larger, rarer sirloin on the right and the smaller, more tender fillet on the left. We asked for it to be cut off the bone, but they left plenty of fleshy goodness for me to gnaw straight off the bone like a wild animal. Perfectly cooked, amazing flavour, a hint of béarnaise sauce on the side. I don’t think I’ve had a better steak, certainly not in this country (closed contender would be Peter Luger in New York. Writing this is making me want to be back there, right now. 

This perfect steak was accompanied by 2 fried eggs on the advice of my good friend Jonty and this proved to be an absolute winning ProTip™. The texture and flavour of the eggs with the meat was astonding. I don’t know their methods but I suspect the eggs are fried in beef dripping. So damn tasty. 

Which brings me on to the chips. These are definitely cooked in beef dripping (you can get triple-cooked instead/as well) , and they are stupidly tasty. Thin, crispy coating with light-as-a-feather, creamy insides. I had a bit of a ‘food-critic-at-the-end-of-Ratatoullie moment with these chips. It took my back to an unspecified meal at Smithill’s Hall, Bolton, probably around 1986. Such is the power of beef dripping. 

As I mentioned earlier it was Mrs MBFBY?’s birthday. When I booked I asked them for a candle with dessert. I wanted to check if the message had gotten through so I grabbed a member of staff and not only had it gotten through, they knew where we were sitting and what my wife looked like. After our table had been cleared a few minutes went by then a massive sticky toffee pudding was brought over with not only a candle in it but the words ‘happy birthday’ iced onto the plate. Not only that but they left it off the bill too! Amazing. 

I’ll take this moment to state that from arriving to leaving the service at Hawksmoor Seven Dials was amongst the best I’ve had anywhere. Every member of staff we encountered was friendly, funny, knowledgeable and generally making sure everyone was having a good time. Bravo to you all! 

Now the bad news - Hawksmoor ain’t cheap. Our bill came to £145 including service. This doesn’t sound too bad but remember we only had one starter, dessert was free and we only paid £10 for corkage of 2 bottles of wine (on Monday’s they do a wine club night where you can BYO for £5 corkage per bottle - very reasonable indeed). Our steak alone was nearly 70 quid. 

That said, you get what you pay for and more. This is the best steakhouse in the UK. We had one of the most memorable meals in recent years, everything exceeded expectations, the building is amazing, the staff are awesome, I can’t fault it on any level. And for that reason…

10/10

The Hawksmoor Seven Dials
11 Langley St
London
WC2H 9JG

020 7816 2154

http://thehawksmoor.com/

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